kind of sad, kind of out-of-control

Mother, I knw that u want me to faced my fears and I did bt nvr knw that e impacts was to deep to me. I nvr realise that I have fall for him, kind of deep. when I ask him that if I'm serious abt him thn wat would he do. God knw wat's his answer. He's just kp saying sori and kp saying that we have promised each other that we r more thn friends. I have nothing to said abt tis becos I tin he's really dun understand women. I knw that u r in pressure with gals and I have to agree in e first plce that we started out with more thn friends.

I want u bt I'm so afraid that u may ran away and u did nw. U said u r buz. I can tell u that I'm ever busier than u, I'm wking 2 jobs, studying as e same time and also I need to attend church stuffs. Who's busier than me bt I make an effort to sms u and show concerns. I tin if u really concern some1, no matter where and when a sms will solve everythin bt it's doesn't end up like that.

that's y I said that there' r some1 in ur mind and my guessing is correct. At least, I gt the answer that I want. Nt in kind of guessing that do u like me or treating me kind of fling. I dun like this kind of feeling and feeling shit. I understand that u r nt ready and u dun wish to discus abt it bt u have to come to understand that once the moment u have missed, that's no turning point. for any1 or me, still e same becos I decided to foreget u even hw hurtful is my heart. even I will cry everynite, even I will miss u everyday. I WILL FORGET ABT U. I have to move on becos I'm come to understand that u dun make any effort in engaging w me, to knw as wat I'm in reality life. Yeah, we shall be close friends and that's all.

I'm cutting gg dwn to St james nt becos of u bt I tin I want to put it into stop. I realise something is that those guys in those clubs are nothing, they just kp hurting gals that may be true 2 them. I want to get off tis kind of life, some life that is more simpler and happier.

Do you knw that I really doesn't have a gd relationships for tis past few years. For those that I love, kp betraying me and hurt me in totally. I'm so inconfident with any guys nw. Sooner or later, they will betray me and I have act that I'm strong. This is tiring and I hating tis kind of life. Sick abt everything nw -_-;